Unfortunately, as a child I experienced trauma.  Forever this experience left a mark upon my body. For years, into my 30’s I would say to myself and to others “He hurt me then, he cannot hurt me now”.  After all, this is an adult mature thing to say, correct?  But inside my body, I could –all of a sudden –become very fearful – for what seemed like no reason at all. I carried a sadness in my body and a hyper-alertness around certain types of men. Why was I having these feelings???—was I a bit crazy??? This did not make logical sense, my mind would say. My body was having another experience though.  I did not understand. I sought help. Then one day in a somatic group psychological process, I fell to my knees crying from the pain, the grief, and the deep sadness that my body still felt. I then saw how that no matter what I said to myself in words my body was forever changed as it responded differently when it sensed “danger” even if there was no danger as it was stuck in a pattern of trauma.

I have been on a journey ever since to explore and understand what actually occurred to me during that trauma event—not the “story” but what actually happened to my “body”, what happened to its nervous system.  What might have epigenetically occurred (through neurotransmitters, etc.) to me as my body did its best to help protect me? My body was still very concerned about survival. I have worked for years on being conscious and connected to my body and its sensations as together we are much stronger, wiser, and safer. Thank you, my dear wise, and loving body.

I have a lot to say about trauma and the wisdom of the body. I have found amazing gifts in listening and connecting to my body and to wise neurobiologists/researchers/ somatic pioneers who have taken the level of understanding of how the body functions—what is going on not only in traumatic episodes but also what is a healthy bodily system.   I want to help and share with others ways towards the wholeness that I am able now to feel inside. 

I went back late in life to graduate school for a PhD in Somatic psychology.  Why? I wanted to do research so as to share what worked for me and possibly that it would work for others. I wanted to share the key that helped me unlock the split inside myself.  

Somatic Understanding Research Foundation helps support this work for me and other amazing researchers like Dr. Stephen Porges, Dr. Sue Carter, and Dr. Lourdes Dale.  We are on a journey to help bring light into what often seems dark and impossible to see and understand.

– Executive Director Donnalea Van Vleet Goelzr